I Am Now Old

So @s_Hotzs is back here with jars of creative juice………….ehn ehn now, if i dont blow my trumpet who will?  i will just delve into this thing. The other day I was reading a post by @thetoolsman on TNC, yes oh, make i famz small…………..it was a light topic but deeply touching……..i will advice you read it here Your Father before you continue with this……….or whichever you want to do, just read !!!

*Ever think what a loved one thinks about you before their demise? Ummm…….. tough call right?


Acceptance is the first step to……………………………… sorry I forgot nobody recovers from being old.

My memory fails me. I would have loved to remember my rough and tumble play. I often wonder, “What’s it like to be a child?” It feels like an eternity. I try desperately to hold on to what is left of my thinning recollection, but it escapes me. I cannot keep it between my ears. It’s like trying to lock the wind in my fist. Futile!! !

I watch them carefully. I see me in their eyes, I see me in their every breath, in their frown, in their every smile. I am truly blessed to have them. They are my past as much as they are my future. They remind me, allow me to hold the wind. And still with much pride I look to the day of their becoming, it gives me hope for the days to come.

I remember the day of my becoming. I realize now that it was indeed not just a day,  It was my life’s journey. We are definitely clay in the hands of one much greater. With everyday I took on a new shape. With every new face I met, I understood diversity. With every girl I kissed, I learnt passion. With every ball I kicked, I gained strength. With every passing loved one, I felt grief. With every one of mother’s sweet embrace, I took in love.

There is a quiet that has come upon me, the realization that the days ahead are surely shorter than the days that have gone by. I am not afraid. Fear does not plague me. Rather, there is a knowing within me, a certainty. One I cannot explain. My silence gives room for pondering. Time has answered many of my questions, but there are many more. I know with certainty that time will surely cheat me of the answers to my deepest concerns. So I say a little prayer, “Lord, I know that I must journey on without them. Please keep all of them in that place you call the hollow of your hands, they are so dear to me. My time is short and my strength eludes me.… ”.

I am old, my eyes are heavy. I do not resist as sleep calls. There is just one thing left to do before I rest my tired limbs till the sun shines again. “Dear lord thank you for a life well lived…. (zzzzzzz)”

P.S Big S/O to @Ngufy for taking time out to edit this piece……Thanks for having my back !!!

 Feel free to use the comments section


Untitled 08/08/11

Head VS Heart or Heart VS Head????????????? i cant believe i am confused or rather undecided about a simple title to a blog, well you read it and decide.

Usually i am not a type of person to go all jelly weak in the kneel cos cupid shot a damn arrow (by the way tell that friggin dude i am gaan break his neck when i see him in person…………..baby cherub or not). When it comes to matters like office romance i am a green finger leaf, not inexperienced per say but i have always being undecided…………………you know GREY area kind of thing.

Funny how easy it is to judge or criticize others when you are not in their shoes, but when you get to experience it………………………Ha Ha Ha it becomes a new kind of view (3D MAX).

Dont get me wrong, i am not against office romance neither am in support but now i dont know anymore, i am a victim!!!!!

I used to be a cool, calm and collected kind of guy, but it took one chance meeting and two lunch dates to change all that……………..principle outta the window, heart in place of my head 😦 if you know what i mean. All the fibres in my body be screaming NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  i  swear my ears have formed an alliance with my heart…………….one word DEAF.

I always see her from afar wearing that look they all wear, i mean young executives trying to get to the top of their game………………….confident, determined and a tad sassy,but all that changed after the first chat.

Like to describe her in detail but with all the confused emotion and mixed signals i feel right now, heaven knows that ‘partial’ is just a tip of the iceberg. Aside from being strikingly beautiful, her figure is all a monk needs to change his mind about celibacy……………the lushy lips, ample bossom, disarming smile and a walk to kill…………… erm erm  Sa’id you can like to focus now if you gaan get this stuff done!! sorry about the distraction – but not really sorry per say, i just said it because my kind of job demands you apologise for no reason at all, you probably wondering what kind of shitty job is that? not to worry if you’ve ever called a customer care line then you know what i mean……………shit there i go again rambling and she aint even here. FOCUS !!!!!!! Ok ! Ok !! “Earth to Mars, do you copy”

My case aint that of “boy meets girl, boy likes girl” kinda thing but its similar………………….Hmmmm Lord save me !! (Mumu button activated).

Cant tell when it all began but i sure know it changed after i spent the night at her  place…………….cancelled chicken order, substituted with chocolates…..one thing led to the other sha and i had to crash. For those of you with mind like gutter, sorry to burst your bubble but sleep was all we i we did. She was kind enough to let me sleep in one of her T-Shirt, that engulfing smell of her was the closest to paradise…………….how i so fantasized about those Jolie’s kinda lips too bad i had to play the perfect gentleman guest.

        After hours of deep convo i felt i have found my soulmate……………Oya this is the part you pour a bucket of cold water on me, dont bother, even the hot one wont have any effect, this feeling has got to stop, schizophrenic disorder aint got nothing on what i feel, Banky W’s strong thing has never felt so good.

Come to think of it, it seem the feeling is MUTUAL (or am i seeing things) the stolen glances, the gentle touch , prolonged laughter etc……………..well lets just hope she is laughing with me and not the other way round, http://www.jonzing.com/  right? but i swear there is definately a spark or why else would Work, Twitter, WhatsApp, SMS and calls be the order of the day? The time spent apart are still spent together virtually wirelessly, i have never appreciated my BB more.

I ask myself ……….is it possible to feel this much for someone after 288 hours? i feel a new world record coming on and dont dare tell me its infatuation or something of the like, trust me i have a degree in every one of these side feelings: Obsession, Infatuation, Fling, Pity Sex you name it but i cant seem to tag this one.

Being with her doing absolutely nothing is everything to me…………..have i caught the BUG? when is this feeling going to stop, i am like a love sick puppy (did i just use the L-Word?) if i say i didnt like it then you know i lied…………..Hmmmm issorai, issokay…………..TO BE CONTINUED

Death and a Scare !!

Everybody wonders about the day they die. The day, they leave earth and never return. Will it be a rainy day or a bright sunny day? Will our clothes be of rainbow colors or a dull grey? Will we be in love, full of life, zest and vitality? Or will it be a day filled with heart ache and heart break? A day, our hearts are clutched with pain and despair. Will we have our families around us? Or will we be alone on a dark road with shadows of our past creeping fast upon us? Will we be young and strong? or Will it be in our old age? With experiences and memories of the life we have lived clouding our brains, then we will wonder if we lived a fulfilled life, one where we had pursued our dreams and had taken bold steps for love and humanity or a life devoid of happiness, friendship and loyalty. Will our loved ones wail, tear their hair and shed never ending tears of our departure? Or will they lie back, stretch their legs, crack their knuckles, heaving sighs of relief that you’re finally gone?

All these I asked myself as I braced for the impact of the 2kilotonne mini truck headed my way at break neck speed.

It’s a long ride,takes about an hour, and when you’re driving alone it feels like it takes three. But that dreadful day was different. I must have been doing 100KMPH for all I remember. Still, I just couldn’t get there fast enough.

I need to finish this…….finish the errands as fast as I can, I promised I had call her soon.

Which will she prefer? The red purse or the brown calvin klein leather wallet? Did she miss me or not, should I get her the perfume or the music player……I continued playing 21 questions in my head.

I eased pressure off the accelerator as I approach the bend, my favorite bend on the long damp road, its breath taking when you negotiate it at 100KMPH, but today was different….I swore off that after the last crash.

I saw it from afar….a pair of dim headlights, No….this can’t be right I said to myself… its a ‘One Way’ access !!! Did he not see the no Right turn sign or he chose to ignore it?

I pressed hard on the brakes….but this somehow seem to have no effect what so ever…..there he was speeding down the wrong lane without a care in the whole wide world!!!

If this is it, when do I have my Epiphany…….the one where your life flashes before you…….Oh God not this way, at least let me say goodbye…..she’s been through so much already, so much death !!!

You are crazy dude…..the tiny voice in my head said…..you’re about to breathe your last and you still won’t let go of her; just before the collusion….I whispered “The red purse it is”

Then I heard it…..Tyre screeches, brake squealing, glass shattering, metal tearing metal………I heard it all but felt nothing, cause at that moment I felt the familiar tug of my seat belt as the air bag deployed to envelope me in its ample bosom while the car was spinning in circles……

Shhh…..Silence, and then more silence….if this is HEAVEN then its one HELL of a short ride.

Wait, this can’t be heaven…….its vaguely familiar…..I’ve been here before…..plus it smells funny too, but why is it so bright? I tried to focus but the pain won’t let me……this place reeks of antiseptic and chlorine bleach.

Welcome back…..you gave her such a scare!! ……the petite nurse said.

You’ve been gone for 3 hours ……. She walked out of the ward.

One look at her face and I knew I have put her through agony…….

Imperfect Me !!!

Karma is a bitch…….but hangover is Bitch’er’
Thud! Thud!! Thud!!! Goes the pounding headache in my head;
Dear Lord, take this pain away and i will never do spirits again…….yimu.

It’s a Sunday morning, after all i did last night (crooked smile), i ought to be the first person in church seeking absolution……..but the cranberries said “Salvation is Free” , Linkin park: “We don’t choose God, he chooses us“, don’t get me wrong if it were a Friday i prolly be going to the mosque.

Hmmmmm…………Sex With a Stranger!!! I can cancel that out on my “Things to do before 30”.

Oh shit!!! She is still on my bed, how do i get rid of her; she was pretty wasted yesterday so it was easy………now she is as sober as a monk?? *ghen ghen*, well issues like this tend to sort themselves.

Didn’t know i was going to score last night, broke and things………..insert *Hustler Ambition*, funny how peeps be living the Champagne life on a diet coke budget?

After all is said and done……..my pricky conscience won’t let me be……….Tryna figure out what to do next when the song on my music player caught my attention, menh !! Did that short black boy kill it or what, it’s a perfect rendition about imperfection and i can relate to it in all ways possible…………Enjoy:

Some have no imperfection
They never need correction
Never ask for direction
They’re number one selection
They’re sweet like Reese’s peas

Me i have plenty freckles
Among the sheep, I am black cos of procrastination,
I fall into much temptation
I’m never seeing cheddah (Money)
Know when I should know better.

I hear my name gotta go settle with my P, will finish this up sometime 🙂

Disclaimer: @MI_Abaga thanks for the Lyrics